The Stick of Uncertain Doom
by Corrupt Prodigy
Summary: Nagi is having a boring day when suddenly he gets hit with a stick and gets knocked out. What is the strange stick? What will it do to poor Nagi? Read and find out! Finished!
1. Default Chapter

The Stick of Uncertain Doom  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Weiß Kreuz or any other anime series. Don't sue me cause I'm only having a bit of.. innocent fun!  
  
Author: ..Not much to say. I just looked around and suddenly got the idea to write this. Now, stop reading my rant and go read my story.. the Stick of Uncertain Doom!!!!!  
  
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Nagi sighed and mumbled, "I'm so bored.." Today nothing was happening. There was no school, no mission, nothing exciting happening, and Crawford was in a very bitchy mood. He sighed again. "There must be SOMETHING I can do.."  
  
"I can help you with that!" a loud, genki female voice shouted from behind Nagi. "Just hold still for one minute.." Nagi spun around just as the unidentified woman brought a stick down onto his head with much force.  
  
"ITAI!" Nagi yelled and rubbed his head. "Why did you.." his voice trailed off as he looked up and noticed the girl was no longer there. On the floor where she had been was a wooden stick with ancient carvings on it. Nagi picked it up and stared at the inscription, but he couldn't make any sense of the language. Suddenly Nagi dropped the stick and fell over unconscious.  
  
  
  
- -(Five Minutes Later...)- -  
  
Nagi's eyes shot open and he jumped up cackling evilly. "Now it is time to have fun!" he grabbed the strange stick from the floor and ran out of his room down stairs to the living room.  
  
"Oi, Nagi. I though you were dead.. you've been up in your room quite a while." Schuldig yawned watching porno on the television.  
  
"Not dead, my dear friend and ally. Just.. plotting." Nagi cackled again. He steadied the stick over his head, ready to fwap Schuldig with it.  
  
"Hmm? Nagi are you feeling ok?" Schuldig heard no reply from Nagi. ".. Nagi, what are yo-" Schuldig turned to look at the boy when he was painfully whacked on the head with a stick. Schuldig jumped off the couch. "OUCH! Nagi, you little baka! Why the hell did you do that to my beautiful head?! Now you will have to feel.. my.. wraith.." Schuldig seemed to get dizzy. "I.. don't feel so good.. I think I'll take a nap.." Schuldig fell back onto the couch K/Oed.  
  
"BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Soon we shall take over the world!" he said to the stick and began cackling again. "We will rule all with our superior intelligence and strength!"  
  
"Hitting Schuldig with a stick hurts God!" Farfarello walked in licking one of his knives affectionately. Nagi turned to Farfarello and cackled again.  
  
"Hitting Farfarello with a stick will help me take over the world!" he cackled again and thwacked Far on the head with the stick. Farfarello just blinked and stared at Nagi blankly.  
  
"Ehh Nagi, you do know I don't feel pain. That was pretty much a.. pointless.. hit.." Farfarello fell over, unconscious like Schuldig.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA!!! NOW WE SHALL GET THE LEADER!" Nagi smiled and ran down the hall towards Crawford's office.  
  
  
  
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Author: Okay, that's the first chappie! Tell me, did you like it? Hate it? Are you confused about the stick? Send in a review and I will update the story as soon as possible to relieve you of your confusion! Or, make your confusion greater. Heh.. just review and I will update sooner. Thanks! ^..^ 


	2. Confusion Continues

The Stick of Uncertain Doom  
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Weiß Kreuz or any other anime series. Don't sue me cause I'm only having a bit of.. innocent fun!  
  
Author: Bah, I don't like this story really.. last chapter was boring so I'll try to make this chapter more comedy. Maybe I'll have this be the last chapter too.. hmm I dunno. Just read and I guess you'll find out at the end! The Stick of Uncertain Doom chapter 2!!!  
  
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"Owie.. my head hurts!" Schuldig whined as he sat up on the couch and rubbed his head. "Nagi is so mean to me!! He should get a spanking!" he curled into a ball and began sobbing into his arms. Farfarello twitched and slowly got up.  
  
"Wow! Today is such a beautiful day! I think I shall read a book and enjoy the sun." Farfarello picked up a book and walked over to the window. He sat down in a chair and began reading 'Moby Dick' by Charles Dickens.  
  
"You all hate me and don't care about me!" Schuldig squealed and sobbed more. Farfarello turned to him.  
  
"Will you shut up?! I'm TRYING to read a book!" he snapped and went back to reading.  
  
"WAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!" Schuldig ran up to his room wailing.  
  
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Nagi walked up to Crawford's door and tried the handle. It was locked. "Bah.. no problem." He backed away and stared at the doorknob focusing his mind. His eyes flashed red and the door creaked open. "Oh, Braddy-chan! Come out and play.." Nagi mumbled psychotically and raised the stick above his head.  
  
Crawford was sleeping on his desk. Apparently he had stayed up all night working and just passed out. Nagi smiled, this would be so easy. He walked behind Crawford and positioned the stick carefully. "3..2..1!" Nagi shouted and brought the stick down hard onto Crawford's head.  
  
"THE HELL?!" Crawford jumped up and stared at Nagi. "Why did you hit me?!" several veins popped on her forehead and his glasses slid half-way down his nose.  
  
Nagi just cackled. "Because hitting you will BE THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!" he shouted and began cackling louder and more evilly.  
  
"WHY YOU LITTLE-" Crawford stopped and fell onto the floor with a thud. Yup, just like the other Schwarz members had been, he was also knocked out.  
  
"HAH! TIME TO INDUCE THE PAIN UPPON MYSELF!" Nagi screeched and whacked himself in to head with the stick. "Erg.. ouch." He fell over and blanked out.  
  
- -(10 Minutes Later...)- -  
  
"Uugh.." Nagi got up and rubbed his head. What had happened to him? "Ok.. now I remember it was a boring day.. that strange girl appeared and hit me with a stick.. And then I got knocked out." He looked around. "But I got knocked out in my room.. not Crawford's office." He looked down next to him where that strange stick lay.  
  
"Naaaaaagi-kuuun, are you awake yet?" a familiar yet different American accent chimed from the hall. "Na- AGH!" Crawford fell through the doorway flat on his face next to Nagi. "Ouchies! That huuuuurt.." Crawford sat up. "Hey Nagi!"  
  
Nagi just stared at Crawford. "C-Cra-Crawford?! Is that you?!" Nagi blinked and rubbed his eyes. Crawford giggled... MAN that didn't sound right.  
  
"Why of course it is me silly! Come on you're late for dinner!" he got up and pulled Nagi with him out into the hall. "Schu-kun! Come down now, it is time for dinner!" Crawford yelled up the stairs.  
  
"I'm not coming down! No one loves me and you all think I should die of starvation!!!!!" Schuldig cried from his room. Nagi stared up the stairs. Ok.. he must be in some alternate universe.  
  
"Ah, phooey Schuey! You're such a drama quee-" Crawford tripped over his own feet and fell into the kitchen on his head again.  
  
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Schuldig sobbed. "You're all soooooo mean!"  
  
Crawford got up and pushed his glasses back up. "Nagi could you be a sweetie and get Farfie-kun for me? He's in the living room." He walked to the counter and started preparing food.  
  
"Ehh? Uhh.. yeah I guess.." Nagi started towards the living room. Maybe Far was still okay.. He looked around the room expecting Farfarello to be in a corner licking his knives, but instead he found him reading a book by the window looking peaceful and happy. "Far?!" Nagi stared at him.  
  
"Oh, hello Nagi! Nice to see you, but I am kind of reading a book. Could you be quiet?" Farfarello turned back to his book and resumed reading.  
  
"N-n-n-nani?!" Nagi stuttered and looked at the cover of the book. "Moby Dick by Charles Dickens????!!!!! Something is definitely wrong here!"  
  
"Shhhhhh!" Far shushed Nagi with a finger to his lips. "I said be quiet!" Nagi was beginning to get VERY scared.  
  
"That's it all of you come here into the living room NOW!" Nagi called.  
  
Far gave an exasperated sigh. "No one is quiet around here.." he muttered and set down his book. Crawford walked- well actually tripped in wearing a pink apron.  
  
"Wagh! Err.. yes, Nagi?" he got up and sat on the couch clasping his hands in his lap.  
  
".. Schuldig!!!!!! Get down here NOW!" Nagi could here Schuldig sniffle then cough.  
  
"No! I'm not coming down, you all hate me!!!!!" Schuldig squealed and sniffled again. Nagi was getting very impatient with the whiney/depressed telepath.  
  
"Grrrrrrrr.." Nagi's eyes glowed red as a shriek was heard from Schuldig.  
  
"Put me down, put me dooooooown!!" Schu shouted as he came hovering down the steps and was dropped onto the sofa next to Crawford.  
  
"Now, WHY THE HELL ARE YOU ALL ACTING SO WEIRD?!" Nagi glared at them all, waiting for his answer.  
  
"Nani, Nagi? What are you talking about? We are all acting normal, you are the one acting weird." Crawford replied genkily back to Nagi. Farfarello nodded in agreement and Schuldig just sat there crying into his arms.  
  
"No I'm not.." Nagi thought hard. What could make everyone so weird? How could everyone's personality completely change in such a short period of time? Hold on.. that stick.. the one he got hit with! Something must have happened while he was knocked out! "I must translate that stick! All of you stay here!" Nagi ran back to Crawford's office, leaving three completely confused bishounen in the living room.  
  
"Ah hah! There it is!" Nagi ran over to the stick and picked it up. "I'll use a computer to translate it.. and since Crawford's computer is closest it will have to do!" He ran to Crawford's desk and began typing away at the computer. "Hmm.. no.. no.. there it is!" He double clicked on a link to a page of the weird language translations. "It's called 'Language of the Anime Otaku' .. hmm.. interesting." He examined the stick's inscriptions and matched them to the screen. "The.. ultimate.. stick.. of.. OOC-ness..?" Nagi blinked.  
  
"That's it! The stick of Out Of Character-ness! No wonder everyone is acting so weird!" He tapped away at the computer keys again. "Now, how to reverse it.." talking to himself he tapped away some more. "It says to just.. hit the person over the head with the stick again to relieve OOC- ness. Ok!" he jumped up with the stick in hand and ran to the living room.  
  
The three waiting men sat there looking at Nagi as he ran in.. or atleast two of them were, one was busy crying. "Time to change you back!" Nagi fwaped all of them on the head one by one. Schuldig passed out; Crawford blinked then passed out; and Farfarello frowned at Nagi, scolded him, and then passed out.  
  
"Now, to dispose of this stick.." Nagi walked to an open window. "Good bye, Stick of Uncertain Doom." He chucked it hard out the window watching as it disappeared into the ocean. "Let no one else be plagued by you." Nagi turned around and walked back into the living room awaiting the waking of his allies and the explanation he will have to give.  
  
- -(END! ... Not quite!)- -  
  
"Ooooo, look Yohji-kun a stick with engravings in it!" Omi exclaimed and picked a wooden stick from the ocean. Yohji blinked.  
  
"What are you going to do with that?" he asked and walked across the sandy beach towards the genki blonde. Omi just smiled.  
  
"This!" he whacked Yohji with the stick.  
  
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Author: Heh, now that's the end.. the REAL end. I don't think I'll have a sequel, but hey maybe I will. I really don't like this story.. I've written much better. Oh well, can't have them all be great, ne? Pwease review! I don't even care if you flame, because I know it was awful! Thanks and have a great day. ^..^ 


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